CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
