I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize