I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
