9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
