I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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