My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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