I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
