So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
