Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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