It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
