Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
