You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize