No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
