Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
