VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
