Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
