I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
