3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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