Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
