And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
