I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
