I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
