Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
