you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
