when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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