Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
