so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
