Sry I called you an 8
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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