you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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