It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
is it fun? or sober?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
