Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
