i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
