i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
