so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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