sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
