He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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