we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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