I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
