we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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