OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
