I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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