Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
