I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize