i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
