god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
