Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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