I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
