I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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