I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
