Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
