I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
