Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
