Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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