i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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