Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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