You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
