Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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