well you can't waste a boner
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize