I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
