i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
