i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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