And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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